My little Eva is growing up. No amount of wishing, crying or trying can stop it. She just turned 14 months old an is an absolute doll. She loves to give sweet open mouthed kisses and little cuddly hugs. "Mommy" is her favorite word. Mommy means not only Mom but accompanied with a point or grasping hand signifies " I want that." Eva gets just about anything she wants, including to be picked up, kissed and hugged, and carried about by mom. At night when she wakes she still comes to bed for snuggles and nursing with Mommy. She loves to be outside riding in the stroller, scooting in the grass or bouncing lightly on the trampoline. Eva is fascinated by animals and quick to point out the birds, cats and "Doggy"s that inhabit our neighborhood.
This past week as Eva started out really walking on her own the realization began washing over me that my baby, most likely my last is growing up. This thought initiated a torrent of tears for several days of course. Oh how I have loved and cherished the baby years, especially of Leah and Eva my last two. I continue to nurse Eva about 4 times a day, morning, nap and bedtime, as well as middle of night, because I love that time to snuggle and sing to her. While I continue to be excited as each new step and phase of my children's lives, the tears spring quickly to my eyes as I feel this era of my life drawing to a close. It is almost like grieving a love that has changed and passed on. While I think I could never miss the overpowering nausea and sickness of my early pregnancy, I will miss the flutterings of life growing inside me. My arms will yearn for the weight of a sleeping baby. I will cherish the scent of baby hair just shampooed only to be kissed with one million mommy kisses whenever I pick them up. I will remember the sweet smiles and kisses, hugs and snuggles, soft skin and bright eyes of my growing baby. And I will hold in my heart the hope and desire that this role, new motherhood, will be mine yet again in the eternities.