Motherhood ( and the accompanying crushing guilt)

I must apologize.

My last post was never meant to imply that I am a super mom ( which I am sooooooo NOT) or to make anyother mom feel badly about themselves. My blog is my sorry excuse for a journal, because I am TERRIBLE about keeping a journal. I only wanted to record for myself what life is like right now with Leah at 6 months. These moments are so fleeting and I just want to remember.

And so please accept my profound apology. If you look closely at my little schedule, everything is "ish". Because mom's know that everything must be flexible. If you can't get yourself out of bed, you feed your kids cold cereal and send them with money for lunch ( and then the crushing guilt of not making a hot breakfast and being frugal with cold lunches.) More often than not that morning nap doesn't work out just right so you skip the excercise and you plop your baby in front of the TV to watch Baby Einstein while you take a shower ( more crushing guilt). If you visit my house, I hope I have enough toys and shoes picked up that you don't trip and break your leg, but please don't let your baby crawl around my table or she will find tasty leftover snacks. (Don't even glance at my baseboards or windows - more crushing guilt.) You try to be good about your diet to lose those baby pounds because you gained more than the recommended 25-35 pounds this time and your husband commented more than once, but you just love cookies in the afternoon. And then when you do lose a few pounds, of course it comes off the one place you were happy to gain a little cup size and then your husband comments again. ( More crushing guilt.) You feel like you run around all day shopping, cleaning, cooking, washing, doing this and that when you should play with, read with, love your children more ( more crushing guilt.) Sometimes your family eats microwave burritos or sandwiches or pancakes for dinner ( more crushing guilt) but they really like it and you don't hear the complaints about the vegetables you strive to help them eat ( more crushing guilt). There is never enough time for all of the things you want to do, and most days everyone is lucky to be fed, clothed, and relatively clean. Then you fall into bed at night too tired to love your husband as often or as well as he needs ( more crushing guilt.)

Did I get it just about right? Not to mention I'm blogging while I should be ironing the 12+ shirts lined up across the canopy rod of our bed. ( More crushing guilt.) But somehow we muddle through, learning and growing and getting a little bit better day by day. With each new child and challenge we rise up to meet it, we lengthen the cords of our tents, we open our hearts, we modify our schedules and hopefully our expectations, we learn and glean from other mothers and friends, and we just keep "pressing forward with that perfect brightness of hope " (2 Ne 31:20) trusting that in the end our efforts will be magnified and that we will be found adequate to mee the task.